Let's talk about religion.
Now, for those of you not able to understand the title of this blog entry, (perhaps because you live in a far away country or maybe within the mysterious 4th dimension of time)...somewhere printed on the face of the US dollar, are the words "In God we trust." As you can see, the title of this entry is a play on the aforementioned phrase, so to speak. My whole life up until about a year ago, I had labeled myself as a member of the Christian religion...always praying before meals/bed time, knowing my verses and commandments, and most of all accepting Jesus Christ as my savior. And that's just the thing....it had been instilled in me all my years, that those were the things expected from me as a child of God and those very things were essential to my being and needed to be done. I soon got so into the habit of doing these things that they came automatically...almost robotically from me. There was 0 raw, heart-felt emotion in performing these practices on my end. I became so used to it...that it just didn't stir up any of my own thoughts and feelings about the subject. This is when I stopped. I swore to myself that I absolutely would not lie about something like this....it just wasn't right. I don't want to lie about being a believer when I question God's very existence...when I go to church and just...don't "feel Him". Yet, there were problems in my hiatus from religion, as well. Today, I got tired of being how I am when it comes to religion.....only believing when I needed or wanted something....even though it contradicts my promise to myself. I'd pray and ask for things out of my own selfishness and greed....yet, they came true. This makes me want to believe so badly. This makes me want to embrace Christianity with all I am...but I just can't. The Bible bores me to tears...sermons lull me to sleep...even standing before a stage at youth group and cheering on the local band wears me to exhaustion. I wish to be an honest Christian with every fiber of my being....but I just....don't know how.
...Signing Off...
~*~Rommie~*~
i for so long wished there was a god
ReplyDeletei wished there was god who i could blame all my problems on
so i could curse
a god i could ask y i was forsaken
but i gave that up a long time ago
wen i hear my mother silently praying for me
wen i hear some one blessing me
wen i hear some one cursing me
i think to my self
ppl just want an escape..and many blindly choose a "god" as in escape
i too, as a child was shoved Christianity down my throat.
expected to thank the "lord" for making me
thank the lord i was alive
pray to the "lord"
ask f the "lord" to save me
but they never told me who to blame for my condition
who to bitch at because im dyeing
i don't consider my self an atheist
i still respect and acnolege some beliefs and ideas some religions have
but i choose to live by some examples of the Buddhist believes. not live with them. if that makes any sense @,@